Safety Tips & Red & Green Flags

No victim/survivor is ever to blame for being assaulted or abused. Here are some tips to help reduce risk and recognize warning signs of abusive behavior. If you see any of these warning signs in your own or a friend’s relationship, reach out for help. We ask you to help us keep everyone Safe@Weber by:

• Make sure consent is present before getting intimate with someone. Remember consent is clear and freely given, not just the absence of "no." There should be no awkward moments of silence. Always be verbal when getting consent from someone; only yes means yes!
• You should never feel obligated to do something you don't want to do. "No" is a complete sentence, and "I don't want to" is a good enough reason.
• Always trust your gut. If you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, or off in a situation, trust that instinct. If it is safe, attempt to interrupt the chain of events as an active bystander (see the Bystander Intervention page for more information).
• Keep doors and vehicles locked, and contact authorities if you notice or witness suspicious behavior.
• Learning the signs of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse and how to help a friend.
• Drink only from unopened containers or drinks you watched being made and poured (by a server or bartender).
• Have your phone charged. Charging stations are available in the Shepherd Union by the Information Desk.
• Always respect other people's boundaries! Just like when you communicate about consent, listen to what they say verbally or with body language, then act accordingly.
• Please call WSUPD for a safety escort or be present in an area if you feel unsafe.
• Learning what resources are available on campus, including: Weber State Police Department, the Office of Equal Opportunity, the Counseling & Psychological Services Center, and Safe@Weber Advocacy Services!

Most times, domestic and dating abuse (often called intimate partner violence or relationship violence) escalates from threats and verbal abuse. However, physical injuries may not be the most obvious danger. The emotional and psychological consequences of domestic and dating violence are also severe. Power and control is the root cause of domestic and dating violence. Here are some warning signs to look out for:

• Being afraid of their partner.
• Constantly watching what they say to avoid a blow-up.
• Feelings of low self-worth and helplessness about the relationship.
• Being made to feel “crazy” or like they’re to blame for the harmful behavior. This is called gaslighting.
• Feeling isolated from family or friends because of the relationship.
• Hiding bruises or other injuries from family or friends.
• Being prevented from working, studying, going home, and/or using technology.
• Being monitored by their partner at home, work, school, or online.
• Being forced or pressured to do anything they don’t want to do.

Green flags look like respectful communication where you feel heard, understood, and validated. People let you feel like you can be yourself around them and not pressured to change who you are. Green flags also look like people respecting time, including self-care, hobbies, and time with others. The National Domestic Violence Hotline talks about green flags as:

• Communication: you talk openly about problems and listen to one another. You respect each other’s opinions.
• Respect: you value each other’s opinions, feelings, and needs. You give each other the freedom to be yourself and be loved for who you are.
• Trust: you believe what your partner has to say and don’t feel the need to “prove” each other’s trustworthiness.
• Honesty: you’re honest with each other but can still keep some things private.
• Equality: you make decisions together and hold each other to the same standards. You and your partner have equal say about major decisions within the relationship. All partners have access to the resources they need.
• Boundaries: you enjoy spending time apart, alone, or with others. You respect each other’s need for time and space apart. You communicate with each other about what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
• Consent: you talk openly about physical, sexual, and reproductive choices together. All partners always willingly consent to sexual activity and can safely discuss what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
• Parenting supportively: all partners are able to parent in a way that they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child(ren), as well as the needs of the parents.

Remember that none of us are perfect, and we are all human; being a good communicator takes time and practice! If you have questions regarding red and green flags in your own relationship or in a friend's relationship, you can reach out to Safe@Weber Advocacy Services!